


In Treatment

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: When Happily Ever After Fails Universe [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-17
Updated: 2011-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-27 11:10:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no point in being here if she was going to lie or leave too many things out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Treatment

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written in the When Happily Ever After Fails universe. It takes place after the events in What Child is This? Dr. Rachel Howard is from the Season 1 episode, The Fox. I tend to always make her Emily’s therapist in my AUs. There are mentions of sexual assault in this story but no graphic detail.

  
**January 3, 2001**   


“Emily, I'm so sorry that I'm late.” Dr. Rachel Howard walked into the office. “I had an hour break between sessions so I went to clean out the back of my car. My son had a Cheerio incident this morning. The traffic back was a nightmare.”

“Its alright.” Emily managed a smile. “Just take some deep, cleansing breaths and think about how running late makes you feel.”

That made Rachel smiled. She took off her coat, hung it on the rack, and sat in the overstuffed chair across from Emily on the couch. She did take a few deep breaths before sipping her vanilla chai.

“That does feel better, as a matter of fact. How are you feeling today?”

“OK.” Emily was almost finished her caramel latte. That was a little bit truthful and a little bit of a lie. Most of what Emily said in response to questions like that were. She didn’t like to think of herself as a liar. She found out over time though that not many people wanted the true answer to that question. Her shrink probably did but OK was a good start.

“What does OK mean?”

“Well the popular answer is that it derives from the Greek olla for all and kalla for good.”

“Thank you; I honestly didn’t know that one.” Rachel smiled again. “Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas?”

“Yeah right.” Emily rolled her eyes.

“Do you care to elaborate?” the doctor sipped her chai.

“My mother bought me a great denim jacket. The only problem is she seems to think she gave birth to a skinny, 11 year old boy. It’s too small for me.”

“Did you tell her?”

“No.” Emily shook her head. “I just smiled and thanked her. I think Ashley Seaver might like it. Hell, the least I can do for her saving my life is to give her an overpriced jacket.”

“What else did you do on Christmas?” Rachel asked.

“My parents threw a dinner party to show me off to all of their friends. They had like 60 people over, dressed me up, and told them that I was all fine. Despite the unmentionable horribleness this summer our daughter is just perfect. Aunt Erin and I could hardly believe what was happening.”

“What did you do?”

“What could I do?” Emily countered. “I smiled like a pageant contestant and shook hands like a politician. All I wanted to do was hit the mini-bar and get blitzed into oblivion. I wanted to be so high that my feet didn’t touch the ground. I just couldn’t escape.”

“You’ve been that high before?” Rachel asked.

“I have been once or twice, yeah. If I can get my hands on some good weed, which isn’t easy in Cambridge. I'm not a drug addict, Dr. Rachel.”

“I didn’t say you were.”

“You have that look though.” Emily replied.

“How did not being able to escape feel Emily? How did it feel to actually have to experience the unpleasantness of the situation?”

“I just did it. I moved through it like a robot and eventually it was over. Aunt Erin did her best to protect me but my mother cut her off at every turn. The ball was already rolling; it wouldn’t stop until it hit the ground.”

Emily took a deep breath. She’d actually considered cancelling this appointment; she wasn’t sure if she could talk about it. In the end, she went through with it. They would have to talk about it eventually. Avoiding it would just prolong the inevitable. It also meant the poison would stay in Emily’s bloodstream even longer.

It had already been there for almost two weeks. It was time to let it out. She decided after just a few sessions that the best thing for her to do was tell the truth. Tell all of the ugly, ridiculous, awesome, stupid truth. Even if she was the person who came out looking like a fool sometimes. There was no point in being here if she was going to lie or leave too many things out.

“Did you discuss with your mother how you felt about the party?” Rachel asked.

“There was no point. She can hardly hear anything over the sound of how damn awesome she is.” Emily shook her head. “There was no use.”

“Did you try though? You two were together for a week and…”

“Actually we weren't. Aunt Erin and I left abruptly on the morning of the 27th.”

“What happened that morning?”

Emily gave her the abridged story of what took place between her parents and Aunt. The coffee, Jason, the creamer, quality time, and then Elizabeth saying Emily should move in with her mother and father. She told her about Erin going mama grizzly and telling Elizabeth that wasn’t going to happen. She told her that her mother was cruel to her Aunt about being divorced and childless. She told her that her father stood there, doing and saying nothing.

“I just came out of my room and told Aunt Erin that I wanted to go home.” She said.

“And then you left?”

“Mmm hmm.” Emily nodded. “We were going straight to the airport but then David Rossi came to the rescue.”

“How did he do that?” Rachel asked.

“The Charlotte of Mecklenburg Suite. It’s the second most expensive room in the King George Hotel. Oh my God, Dr. Rachel, it was so awesome. He put me and Aunt Erin up there for the next four days…it was almost like Pretty Woman. That was when our real Christmas vacation began. It was a little late but I had a lot of fun.”

Dr. Rachel wanted to know one positive experience Emily took away from her trip to DC. No matter how bad it seemed at the time there had to be something that made her happy.

“That’s easy,” she replied. “It was seeing Jason.”

“You saw Jason?” Rachel managed a smile.

“Yes. We had lunch the day after Christmas at the Georgetown Diner. He’d gone to New York to see his son who goes to Columbia and is Christian even though Jason is Jewish. But he wanted to see me as soon as he got back.

“He bought me this bracelet.” Emily showed off her wrist. “Moonstone has positive powers of love, healing, and protection. I know he didn’t mean it the way I wanted him to mean it but he meant something. Didn’t he?”

“What did you want him to mean?”

“I just…oh God this is so dumb. I think I'm in love with him.” Emily rolled her eyes. “Its one of those ridiculous teenage girl things about hero worship and rescuing and such; I know it is. In a way they mean nothing but…”

“But what?” Rachel asked.

“Well, it means a lot to me. Its not lust like when I first met him though I still feel that too. It’s just this all-consuming, barely breathing in his presence, pricklies all over my skin thing. It’s insane. And when he calls me Katya, I just want him to hold me close and call me that name.”

“Who’s Katya?”

“That’s his special name for me. It comes from an Old Russian folktale about a little clever girl who so impressed the king that he moved her to his castle and married her when she grew up. He says I'm very clever so he calls me that. Funnily enough, Katya is a nickname for Ekaterina, which is the Russian form of Katherine. That’s my middle name.”

“That’s very interesting. He has a pet name for you?”

“Yes. And sometimes I dream about him, Dr. Rachel. It’s embarrassing but it’s true.”

Doctor Rachel wanted to know what kind of dreams Emily had about Jason. The teenage girl shook her head.

“Haven't I embarrassed myself enough just by telling you? I only did that because you can't tell anyone else. I haven’t even told Jordan and I tell her almost everything. It’s dorky.”

“Well I was just wondering if you ever have bad dreams about Jason.”

“What do you mean?” Emily asked.

“Do you have nightmares about Jason? Is he ever cruel to you in your dreams? Does he reject you or upset you?”

Emily knew what she was asking now. She wanted to know if Jason ever replaced Stephen Baleman in her nightmares. Either that or she wondered if Jason rejected Emily’s love because she was a rape victim. No, she was a rape survivor…she was no one’s victim.

“Absolutely not.” She shook her head. “Jason has always been good to me, in reality and fantasy. He’s a protector and a nurturer. He would never hurt me or anyone else.”

“OK.” Rachel nodded. “Does he know how you feel about him?”

“I don't know. On the one hand, he's a man. This makes him inherently clueless. But he's also a profiler. When we were together in DC I swear I felt something. I think that’s just me getting over stimulated by my own feelings and projecting. Jason feeling what I feel would make him a creeper. Wouldn’t it?”

“What do you think?”

Emily had no idea. She wanted Jason to feel what she felt, knowing at the same time it was improbable. It was also kinda creepy and surely criminal. But Jason Gideon wasn’t Stephen Baleman. She knew for a fact that he would rather die than ever hurt anyone like Baleman did, especially Emily.

“Can we talk about something else?” she asked.

“Of course we can. Why don’t you tell me some of your goals for the year?”

“I'm going to get my permit and learn to drive. I don’t want geometry kicking my ass so much anymore. When the weather breaks I'm going to redecorate my room and be a slightly different me. Oh, and I also plan to help Aunt Erin and David Rossi get together.”

“How are you going to do that?” Rachel asked.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead but I'm sure some movie starring a precocious kid will tell me everything I need to know. I won't have to work that hard…they're madly in love.”

“Are you're still not Ian’s girlfriend?”

“That’s right.” Emily nodded. “We hang out on Fridays or Saturdays. He bought me a kickass pair of motorcycle boots for Christmas. I think he might get me an acoustic guitar soon. I care about him; I just don’t want anything complicated. He understands that.”

“Have you two been intimate since the last time?” Rachel asked. “I know you had nightmares afterward.”

“That wasn’t Ian’s fault.”

“I know; I'm just asking Emily.”

“Oh. We've kissed but not all passionately or anything. We haven’t made out or had sex. Ian would never make me uncomfortable or pressure me. He’s a decent guy.”

“Does your Aunt still think otherwise?”

“I'm sure she does. She's calmed down on the whole Ian thing for the time being. I'm surely not going to bring it up and remind her.”

“Good plan.” Rachel smiled. “I want to give you an assignment before we wrap this up.”

“You're giving me homework?” Emily’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“I want you to pick five people in your life, any five, and write them a letter. Write about your feelings for them, about them; write about your thoughts, or why you don’t want them in your life. When you come in next week, bring them to me. I won't make you read them aloud but I want you to be as honest as you can be.”

“Does it matter if they're living or dead?” Emily asked.

“No. All that matters is that they are or were directly involved in your life. I know you love Kurt Vonnegut and Jane Austen but don’t write letters to them.”

“OK.” She stood from the couch just as her psychiatrist stood from her chair.

“Are you sleeping better?” Doctor Rachel asked as they walked to the door.

“Yeah. I haven’t had a nightmare in a few weeks. I take the sleeping pills most nights to help me fall asleep. I'm also still hyper vigilant…my friends try to remember not to come up behind me or beside me too fast.”

“That could last for a significant period of time.”

“I have a feeling that all of this will last for a significant period of time.” Emily replied.

“You're doing well, Emily; feel good about that. I’ll see you next week. Don’t forget to bring your letters. It doesn’t matter if they're short or long. You feelings are what are important.”

“OK.” Nodding, Emily opened the door. “Thanks Doctor Rachel.”

“You're welcome, Emily. I’ll see you next week.” Rachel turned to her assistant. “Make sure my regular time for Emily is blocked out.”

“Yes Doctor.”

“Are you alright?” Erin asked, handing Emily her coat and scarf.

“Do you realize that you ask me that after every session?”

“I do? So I should probably stop huh?” Erin smiled, passing her messenger bag after she was bundled up.

“Another question would be OK.”

“Well do you want pot roast or pizza for dinner?”

They walked out of the office and to the elevator. Emily pushed the down button, looking at her Aunt.

“That’s a no brainer, Aunt Erin…pot roast.” She smiled.

“Good answer. I’ll bake potatoes and put on some broccoli.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Emily walked into the open elevator. “I've got some homework to do and then I gotta get ready for _The West Wing_. They're repeating _Lord John Marbury_ tonight.”

“Do you want to watch together?” Erin asked.

“OK.” Emily nodded.

Another therapy session was over. She’d been honest and she made it through. There were plenty more to go. If there were going to be assignments, Emily knew there were some extra special moments to come as well. She already knew who four of her five letters were for.

The fifth choice would have to be a really interesting one. She wasn’t sure if it would be friend or foe. They had to be directly in her life and the truth was she didn’t let a lot of people in. Some were there by blood, some by choice, and some because they thought they could make decisions for other people. It would be interesting to see how that balanced out when she started writing.

***


End file.
